2.The Tale of Rupertina
Within this
kingdom far away
there lived a
girl, it’s true to say,
on whom this
tallish tale is penned,
whose pranks just
never seemed to end.
Young Rupertina
Oswald-Smelly
was a pain near
bowls of jelly,
for this girl
became a beast
whenever at a
birthday feast.
Once all the fun
began with games,
young Rupertina’s
single aim
was making other
kids go wild
by lobbing jelly
at each child.
And if amongst the
party food
the hosts had seen
fit to include
some paper plates
with creamy trifle,
then everyone
would get an eyeful.
Because she was a
total pest,
the mums and dads
thought it was best
to leave off every
party list
this embryonic
anarchist.
Then Rupertina
heard one day
expensive plans
were underway
to celebrate in one week's time
the birthday of Prince Valentine.
But whereas every
girl and boy
was filled with
rapture, bliss and joy
to hear through
letterboxes drop
gold invitations
with a plop,
this girl believed
she knew quite well
the prince would
need a witch’s spell
before she’d
get a royal call
to any sort of
birthday ball.
Seven days it took
to find
a witch who’d
change the prince’s mind
by using magic of
some sort
to get her in the
royal court.
The problem with
the witch she’d found
was that she was
so well renowned
for changing folks
when in a huff
into all sorts of
weird stuff.
“I want a potion
for a prince
which will quite
rapidly convince
his royal highness
to invite
me to his birthday
bash tonight!”
The witch who
looked so very weird:
with crooked nose,
eyepatch and beard
stared blankly
with her one good eye
while chewing on a
fruitfly pie.
With irritation
bursting out
the young girl
then began to shout:
“Look, time is
short, don’t hang about;
you know the
magic, I’ve no doubt!”
Old Spooky Sal
(with mangy cat)
adjusted her black
pointy hat,
looked into
Rupertina’s eyes
then gave a long
world-weary sigh:
"You know, my dear, there is a word
you might have
from your parents heard,
that on occasions
such as these
one uses and that
word is ‘please’ …”
But Rupertina in a
rush
had not the sense
to meekly gush
the niceties and
show respect,
so Spooky used a
wand effect.
There came a puff
of lilac smoke
with zig-zag
bolts: the girl awoke
transformed
through magic rigmarole
into a party
sausage roll,
which Spooky Sal
(disguised you see
as caterer to
royalty)
transported to the
prince’s ball
within the royal
palace hall.
Amid a groaning
plenitude
of lavish royal
party food,
the sausage roll
on table sat
beside the prince
in party hat.
“Hoorah for me!!!” the prince
exclaimed
as all his guests
proclaimed his name,
each child in suit
or sparkly dress
in hope they might
the prince impress.
A fact lost on the
birthday boy
who’d planned in
secret to enjoy
his special day
where he’d incite
his guests to join
a trifle fight.
“Yahooo! Yahooo!” the young prince
yelled
as through the air
food was propelled
and boys and girls
about the place
got pies and
trifle in the face.
Amongst the
laughing and the mess,
the prince in
wistful mood confessed
it was a shame in all this fun
that Rupertina
couldn’t come.
“I do believe Miss
Oswald-Smelly
would have loved
to lob this jelly.”
While vol-au-vents
flew high and low,
the reason came
for her no-show:
“An invitation had
been sent,”
said lackeys at
the royal event.
“But it was then
returned unsigned,
so we assumed that
she’d declined.”
Yet Rupertina was
aware
of all the fun, as
through the air
she somersaulted
with scotch eggs
until with tiny
voice she begged:
“Oh stop, please
stop. I feel unwell!”
at which, the
witch removed the spell
and Rupertina like
a brick
fell down and on
some kid was sick.
“Hi Rupertina!
Glad you’re here.
Let’s spoon this
trifle down the ear
of someone who
still looks quite clean,”
the prince
announced while looking mean.
But now the girl
was not inclined
to mess and prank
and be unkind.
Her lesson
learned, she thanked the prince
then scurried out
and ever since
reformed her very
naughty ways,
until in time she
reached the days
when folk would
not have found it strange
to comment on how
much she’d changed …
Once more she
joined the party scene
of jelly, trifle
and ice cream,
where nicely now
she played their games
to great delight
and much acclaim.
Until some child during dessert
spilt juice down
Rupertina’s skirt ...
then in a flash
there re-emerged
that girl of old;
the party scourge!
As birthday cake
flew through the air
(with pickled onions
everywhere)
and flinging stuff
about the place,
a manic grin upon
her face,
the girl reverted
gleefully,
the evidence for
all to see,
which just reveals
a painful truth:
that Rupertina was
uncouth.
Though
self-improvement’s overdue,
to thine own self
one must be true.
One mustn’t tie
oneself in knots;
for leopards
cannot change their spots.
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